Closed door

During my childhood, I never liked the colour pink. Maybe because that would have made me look "girly girl". I never like that concept. I used to tell others that I am not a "girly girl". Why? Perhaps because I had this fear that if I am termed so, or even perceived so, I won't be able to do anything adventurous or would limit myself to make up and be soft. I don't have any memory of why I perceive a simple colour to such complex unrelated theory. What made me think so? I have no memory of that question.

I still do not like pink colour. Not because of the concept anymore. But I am wonder was that just my personal choice or the theory in my mind that society had put being a girl means, that made me to stay away from "girly" term. That's how much people's perception mattered! That how much people subtle judgement reflects in somebody's personal choice.
I wish I never had to prove myself in every step just to prove I am not weak. I hate myself for thinking that being "girly" means demeaning. I hate the fact that I preferred being a "Tom boy" over "girly". I so wish to change that young me.

A female friend of mine used to ride a boy’s cycle in our school days. Our school uniform for girls was a tunic over a shirt. So, it was slightly difficult for a girl to hop on a boy’s cycle with that dress code.
I always wonder was that her love for the boy’s cycle or was it all just to prove ourselves, our gender that we could do anything.
I so much respect and admire women, who excel and have broken the stereotypes to prove that they are no lesser than men. But I never liked the concept of romanticising it.
If am lazy, am just lazy. It has nothing to do with my gender. If I don’t like to drive, I simply don’t like it. Again it has nothing to do with my gender.
Am tired of all these stereotypes and breaking the stereotypes. I so wish to be just me.

In an conversation with a male friend of mine, something came up and I said, " I don't enjoy cooking much. I even can't cook any fancy dish."
He assumed that I don't cook because I am a "radical feminist" and want to prove myself by not learning it. He then started giving me lectures on why anyone should learn cooking.
Then I had to calm him down by defending myself that all my cousins know cooking irrespective of their gender and I too know enough cooking for my survival. I had to clarify to him that I just don't like it a lot.

The sad part was that I had to give an explanation to somebody for what I simply like or dislike. Else I am termed as a "pseudo feminist" who just outrages on anything and does anything just to prove a point.

I do believe cooking is a basic life skill that EVERYONE needs to learn.
**SIGH**

So, when you are a woman, no matter what you do, you will be judged. For tolerating injustice you will be judged. And for speaking injustice, you will be judged. For speaking about injustice so late, you will be judges and so does if you speak immediately.
#closeddoor